You Cannot Pour from an Empty Cup
All mothers, whether single or married; employed in a career or employed at home; young or old, face a challenge which unites us all: the search for balance. Any mother can attest to this seemingly unsurmountable challenge. We are the caretakers of our world, taking care of anything and everything, everyone, aside from ourselves. But what happens over time as we continue to do so? We become exhausted, frustrated, and, in a lot of ways, a little bit lost. I am a single-mother raising my eight-year-old daughter. To say that I have experienced this frustration myself would be an understatement. It is something I know intimately. That balance is so important, though! We must find ways to take care of ourselves, emotionally, mentally, and physically. It not only benefits us, but our families as well. In the words which follow, I am going to share with you a few simple ways to bring this necessary balance back into your lives. This is something I have been working on for a long time and would love to give to you. You will find your own, unique ways to alter it for your preferences and lifestyles. At the end, we are going to tackle, briefly, that pesky little feeling called “guilt.” You know what I am talking about!
1. Feelings Matter!
As mother’s (and I am not excluding women who are not mothers, nor am I excluding the men), our emotions can really take a hold of us. Sometimes they drive us. Sometimes, however, they go unchecked and start to weigh us down. Why? Because we hold them in. We just do not have the time for that, right? Wrong! Take the time to process your emotions.
Example: Set aside five minutes every night to either write a journal or meditate on the things you have felt throughout the day. Just this short amount of time speaking, thinking, or writing can be a healthy outlet and ease some of the pressure you are feeling.
2. Do Not Forget Your Amazing Talents
A lot of us have passions and hobbies outside of our lives as mothers as well as outside of our jobs. As we let those things slip away, we start to feel like we have lost some of our identity or joy in life. Obviously, we find joy in our families and in our careers (perhaps to varying degrees), but we must also retain our individuality. Bring back some of your hobbies, whatever they may be.
Example: Dedicate one hour of one day in the week to one of your favored hobbies to start. Maybe you find you can incorporate more as time goes on. Make it a priority for yourself like you do your other responsibilities. If you feel like you can, use it as an opportunity to teach your little one(s) how to do that hobby. Do you like to make candles? Do you play an instrument? Do you like hiking? Whatever it is, that is just as important as keeping the house clean or running errands! Maybe the kids want to learn it too!
3. Take care of the ship which carries you!
Taking care of our physical selves seems almost impossible sometimes. When are we supposed to do that? The truth is our physical health is not to be neglected. It feeds our confidence. It keeps us strong and healthy to keep up with our lives and our children.
Example: Working out for just ten minutes every morning will have you feeling better and keep your body working better than doing nothing at all. There are so many free resources online with guided workouts to do at home. For me, my little girl often likes to join me!
I understand, this seems amazingly simple. That is because it is! You can alter it in any way that fits you and your life. But these little things make an enormous difference. What about that guilt though? I can already hear it running through your mind. “How can I selfishly take this time for myself?” Ignore the picture-perfect moms you see on social media or in the movies. You are only getting a fraction of the picture. We are trying to live up to impossible standards. We MUST take care of ourselves. If we are exhausted, unhappy, or unwell then we have nothing left to care for our loved ones. It IS a PRIORITY. Remember, you cannot pour from an empty cup!
The Historic Congress Hotel: The Best Place to Stay in Tucson... Just Ask the Ghosts
Imagine traveling back in time and stepping into a decadent, southwestern hotel adorned with grand, intricate light fixtures, vibrantly painted walls in hues of earthly tones, and accented with dark, hand carved wooden adornments. Walking down the energetic and eclectic streets of downtown Tucson, Arizona, it is hard to miss a beautiful, historic hotel that looks like it was transported directly from the 1920's, Hotel Congress. This iconic landmark truly stands out among the more modern and flashy establishments surrounding it, from trendy restaurants to thumping night clubs. The hotel itself boasts a highly acclaimed restaurant, thriving nightclub, and rooms to spare, all while retaining the charm of a 1920's, southwestern experience. What is more, it has a few special guests who checked in years ago and never left. Perhaps you will get the chance to meet them.
Hotel Congress was built in 1919. Over the years, painstaking effort has been placed into maintaining its original aesthetic which can be found in every nook and cranny of the hotel from the lobby to the bar and restaurant, to every single room within the establishment. Nothing is out of place. It is like taking a step back in time, all while getting the opportunity to enjoy the exciting night life of Tucson. Whether you like ghost stories or not, the hotel is absolutely the best place to stay in the area. It is a once in a lifetime experience. For those of you who want to spot a ghost on top of the luxury experience, however, the opportunities are ample.
On the main floor, you are immediately greeted by the grand, wooden front desk. It stands in a decadent room which nearly overwhelms the senses. So much energy flows within this room accompanied by breathtaking décor. Everything looks perfectly preserved from the first days of the hotel. When you check in, you get handed your key, an old skeleton key fit for a movie scene. You can already ready smell the tempting food emanating from the restaurant on the main floor, with plenty of trendy dishes to please any foodie. You can hear the hustle and bustle seeping out from the main floor’s darkened bar hidden beyond a long, intricate hallway while the sounds of other guests chatting fervently in the outdoor courtyard trickle inward. This serene courtyard turns into a nightly hot spot with live music, romantic lighting, and dancing. It is truly an oasis in the middle of a large city. Within these walls, however, something more draws you to it.
There are many who believe, staff included, that some guests remain from decades ago who never decided to check out. There are four rooms with stories to tell. Room 212 houses a spirit who likes to pick at the locks and unexpectedly open the door. Room 214 reportedly hosts a man adorned in a top hat, looking out the window at the festivities in the courtyard below. He seems to be harmless. Room 220 has become home to a veteran from the 1960’s, a creature of habit. He routinely grabbed breakfast from the restaurant below and brought it to his room. He kept the butter knives from his meals to tinker with things in his room and around the hotel, leaving it outside of his door when he was finished. Guests of this room may find a butter knife or two in various places or outside of the door with no explanation. Room 242, one with which I have personal experience, hosts the woman in the white dress. This woman killed herself in this room after discovering the man she was having an affair with would not leave his wife for her. She seems to have a soft spot for women who have been wronged. One may find her watching over other guests in the room as they sleep (Hotel Congress, 2023). On the second floor, the hotel offers the chance to speak with the spirits. In their common room, a comfortable little nook warmed by a fireplace and surrounded by books, sits a large coffee table fashioned into a Ouija board. Grab your friends and gather round. You never know who might be waiting to talk to you from the other side. Perhaps you could speak with one of the permanent guests, perhaps someone or something else. Whatever you expect to find in this hotel, you are sure to walk away with an unforgettable memory.
Enough is Enough…You are Enough!
I remember the day my self-doubt really hit me. I was eleven years old. My stepmother had just told me, after a long, hard look at me, that if I merely did a little bit of exercise, I would look much better. I stared at myself in the mirror for what felt like an eternity, picking myself apart after that. She often commented on my weight and appearance, making me all too aware that I was inadequate. I wish I could say that I was too young to receive such criticism. Looking back at it, I was not overweight. The unfortunate truth, though, is that a lot of us face cruel criticism at a very early age. It impacts us and shapes the way we think about ourselves for years to come. I am not talking about healthy criticism. I am talking about undue, harsh comments that hit us right in the chest. Those are the ones which never leave us, whether we realize it or not. Our job is to find the best way to overcome and to simply be the best version of ourselves, for ourselves.
Up until my pre-teen years, I had never been concerned with my appearance. I was more concerned with doing well in school and spending time with my friends. My appearance did not really matter until it was brought to my attention. My stepmother’s comments would not be the last I heard of it. Over the years, as puberty struck its mighty blow and my body began to change, I heard plenty of more comments. My father had a word or two to say about my weight. My friends would passively suggest that I was a little too big, especially compared to their dainty frames. Still, in all of this I was never overweight. I was just never exceptionally svelte. It certainly did not help that I grew up in a time when the ideal was to be rail thin. At some point, I grew tired of focusing on my appearance. I stopped caring and “let myself go.” I think I was at my heaviest when I was seventeen. I know I had gotten bigger than I realized when my boyfriend at the time exclaimed in front of all our friends: “Aimee, you are so fat!” I cannot express to you the amount of humiliation and betrayal I felt in that moment.
Flash forward five years. I had been in the Army for a couple of years at that point. I struggled at first with my physical fitness. Out of nowhere, something clicked. I was tired of feeling mediocre. I started to train twice a day, six days a week. I became one of the most physically fit females in my unit. Suddenly, that was one of the things I became known for. In addition, I looked my absolute best; and I started to get attention that I simply was not used to having. Much to my surprise, however, I did not really like the attention I was receiving. I felt objectified and underestimated. I just could not win! I went from being undesirable to being wanted in all the wrong ways. It made me question a lot about myself. I still trained, though. Honestly, it became an obsession. It haunted me through my young adult years, during my pregnancy, after giving birth, and for years to come after. I was constantly focused on my weight and appearance. I was focused on what people saw when they looked at me. Over time, something drastically changed. It was not my appearance. It was not what people thought of me. It was what I thought of myself. It really clicked when my, at the time, five-year-old daughter asked me if she was fat. I was shocked. I knew I had given her no reason to ask such a thing. I kept my thoughts of myself far away from her. I told her something that I honestly needed to hear as well. “You are not fat. Not even close. You are healthy just the way you are. All you ever need to be is healthy.” You just need to be healthy. Being healthy looks different for everyone. When I started focusing on my health instead of what others thought of my appearance, I became happier with myself than I had ever been. I do not look like I could take down a small army by myself anymore, but I applaud the women who do! I look happy and healthy. I look like myself.